The Ghost of You
by pandorad24
Summary: Songfic for My Chemical Romance. "I love you, Iggy... Until death do us part." Figgy, hints of abusive Dylan/Iggy; suicide.


**Heh. Slash-pairing **_**and**_** suicide - my folks would just **_**love**_** this. Ah, well.**

**So, flYegurl, this is your welcome-home present... for whenever you get back to the States. I know how much you love MCR, and I've been addicted to this particular song recently, so I thought I ought to write you a songfic - this one isn't terrible, I promise!**

****By the way, I changed all the "she"s in the song to "he". It's a shame Gerard isn't gay, 'cause that would make my job a bit easier... XD****

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own, yadda yadda, standard rules apply. Meh.**

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><p><em>~ The Ghost of You ~<em>

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><p><em>I never said I'd lie and wait forever<em>

I can't stay here. I just have to get away - away from this house. Away from the memories scattered around the place like broken glass. They can't make me stay. No more than you could...

_If I died we'd be together now_

Iggy. Not a minute, not a single second passes by that I don't miss you... now that I know I've lost you forever.

Until death do us part. Isn't that how love works? You tell me.

_I can't always just forget him_

Your smile. Your voice. Those eyes... I never could forget you, you know. I tried, when I left... But it wasn't possible. There would always be that nagging pain there, the regret of leaving you. Leaving you alone... to do this.

_But he could try..._

Why'd you do it, Iggy? Why couldn't you just forget me? I'm not good enough for you! Why couldn't you see? You always could see things better than the rest of us - all the things that mattered, anyway. Why couldn't you just move on? Why couldn't you have just _lived?_

_At the end of the world,_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

I feel an overwhelming pain flood through me, at the thought of never seeing your face again. Of never having the chance to make it up to you for the time while I was gone - for the time _he_ stepped in and took my place.

_Could I?_

_Should I?_

Can I forgive him for all that he's done to you? _Should_ I forgive him? If it weren't for him, you might not have done this. But he just had to pour salt in the wound...

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

You never told me how he hurt you. You never called for help or tried to reach me. I never knew until now how he took advantage of your broken heart, how he _used _you.

Because, for him, Max just wasn't enough. He knew he couldn't get away with anything that could satisfy his sick needs with her, so he turned to you behind her back. Nudge told me how he pretended to love you; as if that justified the things that he did. Tell me, Iggy, could you not have seen past such an obvious lie?

He is a selfish, shallow monster that hides behind a perfect face and a misleading "innocent" personality. And you? You were his unwilling screw-toy.

_And all the smiles that are ever, ever..._

_Ever... get the feeling that you're never_

_All alone?_

I think of you now, and wonder if you can see me. If that, somehow, you're standing beside me, watching me fall apart over you in Dr. Martinez's house. Are you satisfied now? Or just angry that the only thing that could make me come back was your death?

Though I feel an aching urge to leave, I find myself standing in the middle of your room. It looks so vacant; so void of life without your smile to light up the dark corners and chase away the shadows creeping up the walls. I can recall so many hours spent in this room with you, and never then had it felt so empty and cold as it did now, when I stand here alone.

_And I remember now_

I remember when I told you. I said that I was leaving, because things were getting tense between the flock and I. That it was too hard having to look at Max every day, to kiss her, and know it was all a lie. You said we should tell her about our relationship; but I was a coward.

_At the top of my lungs, in my arms_

_He dies_

When you knew there was no point in arguing anymore, you broke down. You practically begged me to say, said you needed me, you _loved_ me. I just held you, kissed you on the forehead and walked away, leaving behind the farewell note I had written for the rest of the family. You had known for hours before Max ever read those painstakingly forged words - the words really meant for you. My one and only love.

Why couldn't I have stayed?

We both died a little that night. And now...

_He dies..._

Suddenly, I can't take it anymore. I throw open your window and fly out, without a care for where I'm going or when I'll get there - I just have to escape that miserable house.

_At the end of the world,_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

You are never coming back. The thought hits me like a bullet once more as I fly, and soon, my destination no longer seems picked at random. I know where I'm going now - what I'll do once I'm there, I haven't got a clue. I just feel like I have to see the place for myself.

_Could I?_

_Should I?_

Can I really handle this - standing where you did in your last moments of life? Should I go, after all?

Of course I should. I have to - it's as simple as that. I just have to.

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

You never told me that you liked going out here to be alone. The canyon really is breathtaking. The sun is setting - the vibrant splash of color over this place might be beautiful, but to me it's just sad. Were your last breaths taken here at sunset? I don't know. They wouldn't tell me.

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

Memories of you flash through my mind as I land near the edge. You laughing when I said something funny (for once), you grinning while you cooked the flock and I breakfast, your crooked smile for me after a kiss...

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

It's all too much. I can't do this anymore! It was bad enough when I left, but I had planned to come back for you, once Max had gotten over me. I thought about you every day, I missed you so much... But now you're gone, and I won't ever see you again.

Unless...

_Could I?_

_Should I?_

Unless I follow you.

This is a bad idea. It's a stupid, impulsive idea. But right now, there is no time for questioning myself.

Because in this moment, as I stand on the edge of the cliff looking down into the deep crevice below, it feels like there's nothing else I _can _do. It feels so right. Just like you felt to me.

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

The grief and pain of losing you is all too much. These scars won't heal on their own, that much I know - I need something stronger than wounds to cancel them out. I need rest. To be at peace forever... and be with you. I'll never be whole again without you (more or less) by my side.

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me..._

You can't stop me. Just like you could never stop me from leaving, this time you won't get in the way of me coming back for you. I need you, Iggy - more than I need air and life itself. So doesn't it make sense to give all that up for you?

_If I fall_

I tuck my wings securely into my jacket. I won't be needing them this time.

_If I fall..._

I close my eyes, brace myself...

_Down_

And I jump.

_At the end of the world,_

_Or the last thing I see_

As I drop into oblivion, one thing is clear. Your face, your eyes bright and shining, look at me, seeming to really see me for the first time. This is not a memory.

Nothing has ever felt so real as you right now, flying down beside me into the shadows below. The world starts to go black as we plummet to the bottom, and I swear I can feel your strong arms wrap around me, your feathers brushing against my face. I look deep into your eyes, trying to calculate the fathomless expression swimming through them. Are you sad for me, Iggy?

I watch as tears well up inside those beautiful eyes. Somehow, I think I catch a couple of whispered words on the air...

"I'm sorry."

The ghost of you is the last thing I see.

_You are_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I?_

_Should I?_

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna..._

I love you, Iggy. I do. Until death do us part.

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><p><strong>Huh. That was pretty sad. Well, angst always was my strong point... I don't exactly know how the whole "death" thing works (obviously), and I'm not good with romance, so I can only hope it turned out alright... and not corny.<strong>

**Oh, and to explain myself on the abusive Dylan/Iggy relationship, I always did like the thought of Dyl' pretending to be all innocent and loving Max, when he's really a gay sadist... Don't worry, my imagination freaks _me_ out sometimes, too.**

**P.S. (IMPORTANT): Just to make this clear, this fic was NOT meant to promote suicide - in fact, just the opposite. Gerard Way (front man for My Chemical Romance) has said himself, "it's more important to keep yourself alive - there's nothing worth even hurting yourself over". I strongly agree with this, and just know that the purpose of this fic was not to glorify suicide in any way. Thanks.**

**Please review! All comments are appreciated! **


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